I look up at the bright blue sky and wonder if I'm looking into a pool. Could I dive into it? Could I get lost in all that blueness?
But something happened this year. I began to feel positively compelled to plant food. I can not explain it. So I decided to plant snow peas -- in containers -- and trellis them. So far they look thrilled to be here.
It's a strange thing for me, this gardening in containers. I've lived in so many places where you just dump seeds into the ground and they grow. No muss, no fuss. A little weeding, a little water and there it is. A garden.
But this is my life now. Things are harder than they used to be for some reason. So I have adjusted. The alternative is to give up. Giving up is "so last year".
No. I have to admit it. I have given up on a lot of things. I just got to a point where I didn't want to put effort into something and be disappointed. (Oh! That feels sad, when I say it like that.)
But I went into hibernation this Winter. I could not MAKE myself wake up from my "trance". And so in February I began to play a game with myself. I made tasks and levels of skill, and rewards and consequences. I set it up to be played for 90 days, and I am half way through it.
And I have done well.
I'm not a gamer. But I am intrigued by the use of games as tools. Jane McGonigal is my inspiration with her game "Super Better", so I have been using my game to heal myself, and to help me dissolve a holding pattern of energy which was keeping me stuck.
So to continue...
I am halfway through my "Game" and it really is allowing me to shift my stuck energy. I guess that's why I found a different way to do something I love and have not been doing for years.
By growing snow peas in containers, I don't have to fight with slugs, or ever encroaching grass or inhospitable soil. It's a pleasure. They're happy and I'm happy. And if I get a few snow peas out of it, even better.
And after 3 months, I'm finally writing again...another thing I love to do.