This is a picture of me in 2010 at my heaviest weight, looking very puffy indeed.
I was mortified when I first saw that picture and tried to keep it hidden. But now, almost three years later, I only see someone who looks really happy (I was at a Laughing Yoga Evening with friends). Funny how my perspective has changed.
But on with it...and please, as you read bear in mind, that I am writing with an attitude of whimsy and humor. This is my experience, but even though I get deep personal insights for myself, it's all just really quite funny to me at the same time. I laugh at how dense I can be, and how my life has to take on the qualities of what most people would view as fantasy in order for me to get the message.
First a little back ground info.
I started practicing Yoga in my early 30's and that took care of the stiffness I had then. I've been eating organic whole foods pretty much exclusively since 1999, but my weight still fluctuates depending mostly on what's going on in my life. I have found the key ingredient to be this: "How tuned in am I to my physical expression?"
Unfortunately, I haven't been very good at sustaining an interest in that part of me.
I've been lured for years by spiritual pursuits. (It is the shiny object which attracts me). And I was stuck in the Western Paradigm of Separation. Thinking of Body and Mind and Spirit all as separate components of the whole Rita. Naturally, since my interest lay in Spiritual matters, I tended to ignore my physical presence. Not on purpose, but I just wasn't paying attention to it on a regular basis.
And if I noticed I had gotten fat, it was pretty easy to lose a little weight by just noticing and paying attention, and then acting to change it.
But what happens if you're not paying attention? Other stuff can move in and take over.
So I'm not saying my body was feeling neglected by me, and was seeking attention elsewhere and had gotten in with a bad crowd...but it did seem like it was acting up a little to try to get my attention.
For one thing, I sort of lost my ability to bounce back from stress. I had been running on reserves for too long, and it was becoming harder to build up again after each "catastrophic" life event, that we all experience now and again. If that sounds familiar to you, then don't wait--do something about it quick!
I've been getting a lot of signals and I've been paying attention to them to the best of my ability. But not well enough, and not quickly enough. It's just been a habit for so long now, to put things off for myself until "someday" or until "later", while I take care of other things, other people--anything but me.
Here's an example of a signal I was getting. About 6 months ago, I stopped being able to swallow food before about noon. So breakfast was out.
But I was getting too hungry to wait that long for my "eating mechanics" to come on line, so rather than try to figure out WHY that was happening and fix it, I chose instead to take the opportunity to figure out how to metabolize Prana from my environment. (I know. Too funny-yes?)
But it was kind of fun noticing the different "flavors" of Prana, and realizing that it's in EVERYTHING! In bird flight, in the music you listen too, the beating of a heart, the rays of the Sun (there's an obvious one), and all have a slightly different "flavor" or quality to the Prana associated with them.
There was a couple of days there when I would browse at the "Prana Bar" for my energy supply. But you know what, my metabolism, or my beliefs or what ever it is, is simply not evolved enough to sustain my physical life on that practice, (although, there are people who seem to be able to do that).
Prana munching? It helps, tremendously, but I'm just not there yet. And besides, it's not the lesson I was supposed to be learning just then.
So the swallowing thing was just one of the signals I've been getting.
I have a lot of tools at my disposal. Intuition is a big one for me, and it comes in a big tool chest with a lot of drawers in it where I keep various toys (or methods). And I love to open the drawers and play with the shiny toys to hone my skills, because the more you practice, the better your intuitive toys work for you--They do like to be played with.
So while all the bells and whistles were going off all around me, practically a whole cast standing in the wings virtually shouting in my ears, I was saying, "Yes, yes...I hear you...I don't have time today, but I'll do something about it tomorrow...I really should do something pretty soon...blah, blah, blah...
And really, just how much time did I think I had to do something about this ticking time bomb?
Then one day about 3 weeks ago, I decided to do a card reading because I hadn't played with that particular toy in a long, long time. I thought I'd be pretty rusty, so I said --to my cards :) -- "Show me something (important) I already know." And my intention behind that was that, "it was something I knew, but wasn't taking seriously--but I needed to start taking seriously".
My message couldn't have been any clearer if someone had been standing face to face, telling me--in plain English.
My window of opportunity to reverse what had the potential to be something pretty grim was closing.
Card readings are sometimes vague. This one was not. It spoke of potential disease, and even death. And that message has never been there for me before. But action was required. Not the slow-cautious-wait-and-see. But ACT NOW to avoid this thing which looms on the horizon.
And so I finally woke up and immediately bought The Plan by Lyn-Genet Recitas, because I have a lovely friend (Lyn Poppie) who is already having great success with it, (and so is her husband). And now I am learning which foods trigger inflammation. And that's all I have to say about that. It's working for me, and I'm having a lot of a-ha's through the implementation of The Plan.
But what I really want to write about here, is what I discovered today about my relationship with my physical body. (And here is where it gets even more whimsical).
I began my day by recording my temperature and my weight, and jotting down a few observations (because that kind of data is how I track what is triggering inflammation).
I found myself taking a very condescending tone with my body. Loving, but condescending nevertheless. I wrote that my body was used to weighing a certain weight. That it is trying to adjust to the idea of staying under that weight which it has gotten stuck at. I wrote, "It believes that 80 pounds overweight is normal or safe or right--whatever that belief is. I want to help it remember that it can feel safe and right at a lesser weight. That can be the new normal again."
"Remember?", I asked my body. "It's been a lot of years, so let's focus on feeling good at 2 pounds less than I am right now. Let's explore the ease of being at that weight. We'll do it together", I coaxed. "Com' on, I'll do my part. Just surrender to being in a new comfort zone".
Then taking my new co-creative perspective outside, I stood on my back porch to take a look at the morning. Just me and my body.
"Brrrrrr", says my body.
"I hear ya!", I reply. "It's chilly. How about a sweater?"
My body beams it's approval at that suggestion. I return to my closet to choose a sweater.
"How about this one?" I suggest spotting my old friend 'Brown Lamb's Wool-Old Gent's Sweater' which I purchased for $2.00 from the thrift shop. (As soon as I touched it the day I bought it, I knew it had belonged to someone's great grandfather. There was a touch of charm about it from a bygone era. I wear it when I work in the kitchen because it doesn't show stains).
My body stiffened slightly, and gave me a definite "No" on that suggestion.
"Well, what do you want to wear?" I ask.
"Something pretty." is the reply.
I am suddenly at a loss. I'm not sure I can find anything "pretty" in my closet by way of sweaters. Also I'm thinking about the work I'm about to start in the kitchen.
I begin to run my hands through the clothes hanging there. "This one?" I ask rather doubtfully.
"No!" replies my body.
After a couple more "No" responses, I voice my doubts (out loud) about finding a pretty sweater in my closet. It's at that moment that my hand brushes against a peach cardigan reminiscent of the 1960s (another thrift store find), and my body's enthusiastic "Yes!" reverberates within me.
"Really?" I say. "That one? I don't really think of that one as pretty". But I'm only saying that because the last time I had this dainty little sweater on it really did look quite horrible on me, accenting my puffiness.
My body assures me that it IS pretty, so I try it on--over the torn, stained grey tank top I am currently wearing. Immediately, I relax into the comfort of this sweater, remembering that it feels really good to wear. My skin loves it. My body waits while I process. And suddenly I notice. "Hey! This sweater is loose on me now."
My body beams, as the part of me who has the conversation in words, catches up with what Body already knew without words. Peach Sweater (sans torn tank top) really is pretty. And feels good to wear.
So now I'm revising my opinion about my Body. Obviously she is privy to wisdom the thinking part of me does not know. I am wondering is Body really more spiritual than Thinking One? Thinking One ie. Chatty Cathy who processes every experience with words seems me to be Ego. And Body is now seeming like Higher Self.
Body seems to me to be snickering a little at that last observation. Not in a condescending way, but almost as if She knows a secret. She clearly has more to teach me on this subject.