I'm usually pretty comfortable outside at night, but I had gone out to shut the gate, and I could not get indoors fast enough. I had felt genuine fear. Like any moment I was going to be pounced on. The prospect of going outside again obviously triggered some kind of warning system which my thinking mind wasn't paying attention to. And yet I have to be honest - I live with animals, if there was any real danger, they would tell me by their reactions.
I'm not very good with planning. It's not what I do best. Whenever I try any planning, I get all wrapped up in the ACTIVITY of making the plan. I suppose, if I stopped to think about it, that might suggest an imbalance of the Wood Element from the Chinese Medicine point of view. But I'm starting to think that it's less an imbalance, and more an unconscious desire for spontaneity. And why would that be? Well, maybe because planning takes me into my thinking mind, so I try to avoid going too deeply into it. And maybe because the best lessons I've ever learned - the deepest insights I've ever gotten were when I was following an inspiration, and acting on impulse. A friend of mine, calls me her "Noticer" friend. Sometimes, she will ask me what I'm noticing. That means that she is noticing something and then we compare notes, which turns out to be a lot of fun. For me noticing is my favorite state of being. I notice something, and then I wonder, and then I start an interface with the Universe. But all this happens spontaneously because I am noticing something in that particular moment. An inspiration which came to me this afternoon was to pick something to be really present with. Simply be present and observe on a profound level. So this evening after things got quiet, I waited for an inspiration about what that would be. It turned out to be "Night". So I thought, oh good, this is an easy one to be present with. But what I found instead was all this resistance to having that experience. For instance, I thought it would be a good idea to go outside for this exercise, but I found that I could not do it. "It's really cold out there" said my resistance. "Yes, but I could put on a coat" I argued. "You can be present with 'Night' just as easily indoors" coaxed my resistance. "I can't get the whole experience if I'm indoors" I insisted. But then my resistance played it's trump card. "You were out there just an hour ago, and remember how it felt?" Yes I did remember that. I'm usually pretty comfortable outside at night, but I had gone out to shut the gate, and I could not get indoors fast enough. I had felt genuine fear. Like any moment I was going to be pounced on. The prospect of going outside again obviously triggered some kind of warning system which my thinking mind wasn't paying attention to. And yet I have to be honest - I live with animals, if there was any real danger, they would tell me by their reactions. In being present with myself. I noticed a lot of things. I noticed I was fearful, I noticed I was dehydrated, I noticed that I was kind of cranky and that I was ready for a good sleep. I just noticed it and didn't try to analyze it. What's really great about this is that by tuning into an aspect of creation I found I was tuning into myself. Listening on a deeper level, feeling on a deeper level, noticing on a deeper level. Put like that it seems really simple. But how often do any of us take the time to do that? I just noticed and didn't ask "why?" That would be a different exercise. Just noticing something with out analyzing it or using it as a spring board to do other work, is really pretty great. It allows for a state of being. An observed state of being. Where one is observed and observer.
2 Comments
I love making plans! But I also see your point about being spontaneous and in the moment. Noticing is a wonderful thing.
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Rita
10/29/2012 10:21:50 am
I wish I could make plans. I just get too wrapped up in the planning part and then nothing happens. I admire organized people like you, and I wish it were one of my talants. ;)
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