What happens when you ignore what your heart is calling you to do? Well my personal experience is that life gets pretty intense, no two ways about it. You might be able to get away with it for a while, but you can't hide indefinitely. To say that I ignored my calling is not quite acurate. It was my nature to make myself kind of invisible. I would go along and kind of draw my energy in and hide my light under a bushel, and not draw attention to myself...that is unless someone I loved was in trouble. Then I would jump into the fray! It's like I was a whole different person. I always felt bigger, and more powerful, like I was channeling a host of Walküre, Guardian Angels and the forces of nature all rolled into one. I'm sure you've been there...you know what I'm talking about. I knew what I was here to do, I just didn't know how to go about it. Whenever you have a natural ability to do something that means IT'S WHAT YOU CAME HERE TO DO - duh! I thought I needed to be some kind of apprentice to a "HEALER", or go and live in a mountain cave and meditate for 30 years. I was waiting to have a near death experience, or to reach saint hood, or for the heavens to open up and give me the divine download. I was just too busy walking around, clothed in my garments of insecurity and low self esteme, with my cloak of invisibility drawn up snugly to cover every exposed inch of me, to GET that I already had the tools I needed to do my life's work. I just needed to start using those tools. So I think the Universe just got tired up waiting for me to step up to the plate. All the gentle proddings, and coaxing and whisperings "Go on, get in the game" from the Universe ended and were replaced with a three ring circus juggling act, dodging ponies and acrobats and clowns. So while I was juggling two or three minor crisis, the Universe would say "I'm just getting warmed up with you. Here! Take that! And THAT! How many balls do you have in the air? How about another?! And ANOTHER! MMMWAHAHAHAHA!" And all the juggling balls had to do - coincidentally - with illness in the ones I loved. And each ball would get more serious. (See there's that mirroring thing I was talking about yesterday). And then I stopped being able to simultaneously juggle and dodge the ponies and clowns which were also in the ring with me, so I started to get hit by things myself. Sorry if this is a confusing metaphor. What I'm saying is that I started trying to deal with illness in my family members, and I was rolling up my sleeves and pitching in and doing actual physical work, but I was also trying out healing tools. AND I thought I needed to give my energy away for people to get better. (Hey-I didn't know...I was wingin' it. And it all turned out OK, of course it did. This is the version of my story where I get some sense knocked into me!) So to wrap it up, and present it neatly with pretty paper and ribbons, I found out that when I stepped out of the circus ring and began to consciously and seriously participate in my life's work (not too seriously, because I do love to laugh) then my life gradually came back into balance. Everyone goes through these times of intense struggle (a lot of times it's referred to as, "the dark night of the soul"). I know you've been there. If you survive it, you come out on the other side with your light shining brightly, and your power amped up, and your purpose in life streaming from you like the rays of the sun. You are transformed into a force to be reckoned with. I salute you for this. And I support you. The world needs the work you came here to do. Love your brilliant self for this.
2 Comments
The "divine download" gave me a good giggle there! :-D
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Rita
8/23/2012 05:59:59 am
Beautifully put.
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